The Expendables 2

Is this really necessary? I mean, do I really have to review this movie for you? Because most of you should already know by now. If you've seen the first one, if you know the cast, if you've seen the trailers, if you understand the concept, if you literally know anything about this movie, then you should know already if you like it or not. I did. I went in knowing exactly what I was in for, and I was excited about it.

The Expendables 2 is a movie about shooting people. It's pretty simple, really. The plot is almost imperceptible. All that really happens is characters go places and they shoot people. When the shooting is done, they go to another place and shoot more people. Sometimes another guy, he shows up at the place where the characters are, and then they all shoot people together. It should have been called The Shootables 2. Now don't get me wrong, everyone's motivation is clear. We know why they're shooting people. But how they get from place to place, and how they know which place to go to next . . . the movies not too concerned about those details. It's not really important in the grand shooting scheme of things. It's just a movie about shooting people!

Now, I like The Expendables 2 because it knows exactly what it is, and it doesn't make any apologies for itself. "You don't like movies about shooting people? Fine, go watch The Last Unicorn, you pussy!" Then it tries to shoot you in the face before realizing that it's just a movie and incapable of interacting with real people. The point is, this movie is not Amadeus, nor does it want to be. And that's okay because it is what it wants to be: a movie about shooting people.

So, yeah, if you like that, this movie is pretty f---ing awesome! You should go see it. If that's not your particular brand of dynamite, why are you even here?